It seems like divine timing that I am writing this on the anniversary date of my returning home on May 15, 2009, after the most difficult year of my life. On February 28, my dear husband, Duaine, died very unexpectedly. Although he had been experiencing major health challenges, in the end he died very quickly of kidney failure. It was a health issue we had not anticipated, and 36 hours after I had called 911 for an ambulance, he was gone. A life without Duaine was unimaginable, unthinkable—this man I’ve loved so long. Ironically, he had a vivid dream in January wherein he had died and was on the “Other Side” and he came back to check on me. In retrospect, I now know this dream was a pre-cog of his approaching death. However, at the time we chalked it up to a dream wherein he made me promise that day that I would get a puppy when he died, as he said, “I know you will feel so alone.” It became a family joke when he would say, “I am going to be replaced by a dog when I die!” He had such a wonderful sense of humor. The Memorial for Duaine was Friday, March 13th, which I’m sure, amused him.
A web site tribute created by my dear friend, Kate Nowak, is dedicated to Duaine’s life at:
http://www.duainewarren.com with his art work, plus a very special e.e. cummings poem entitled, I Carry You In My Heart that is now an inspired short movie clip with music and starry images that is very heartwarming.
On March 28, my new miniature poodle puppy, Peaches, arrived in my life and she is such a sweetheart. I’m sure Duaine had a hand in magnetizing her, as it was a sweet and magical outcome. On April 15, we had high winds of 55 MPH and since Peaches was only about five pounds, I took her out for a walk to do her “business,” as I was concerned she might just lift off if not attached to a leash. The next thing I knew, I fell and was sprawled in my neighbor’s concrete driveway. I instinctively knew my right hip was broken, as I could not get up. To compound things, I live on a cul-de-sac and didn’t know how long it would be before anyone would even see or find me. A life lesson I learned the hard way, “never walk anywhere without a cell phone.” I tried to crawl on all fours while Peaches licked my face, but I could not make any progress. Divine intervention occurred when a neighbor across the street, who is retired, happened to look out the front window. He said to his wife, “Look at this, Sharon is teaching Peaches new tricks,” since I was down on all fours. However, his wife said, “For God’s sake, get out there—Sharon would not be teaching Peaches tricks in this kind of weather!” Hallelujah that someone nudged Jim to look out the window (of course, I think it was Duaine).
I have never endured that kind of prolonged pain and E.R. x-rays confirmed I had a seriously fractured femur. Thank God for morphine! Surgery took place on April 16, with a hip replacement and I was hospitalized seven days. My son, Troy, checked out the recovery places in Chandler, and to our dismay, the only rooms available were for two to three patients (not a good option for me). The caseworker at the hospital told me about a place called Advanced Health Care and said she heard they were like a fine hotel. A space opened up, which in this always fully booked facility was miraculous. I knew when I was transported there and brought in on a gurney, that it was “heaven” on earth. The first thing I saw, as we turned the corner in the lobby to my wing, was a popcorn machine (my only food addiction). I had the best physical therapists and staff anyone could imagine, the finest food, and a superb suite (only 38 suites in Mesa AHC and highly personalized). So in the midst of the worst crises of my life, I was blessed to be at this amazing facility.
The trick is in what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable,
or we make ourselves happy.
The amount of work is the same.
…Carlos Castaneda
I can honestly say, I have never felt so helpless in my life. I was totally dependent on other people and could not even get of bed without assistance to a wheel chair. My first shower with a staff nursing assistant felt like bliss. There were days I did not want to go on, and I had to constantly remember, use and focus upon every tool I knew and trust the journey that was unfolding. Since this misadventure happened right on the heels of Duaine’s passing, it was overwhelming. My dear grandson, Schuyler, who was staying at my home taking care of Peaches, brought her every day to the care center for three weeks and everyone looked forward to seeing her! Especially me! My first great grandchild, Miles Jacob, was born on April 29th and I missed that milestone and they could not bring him to see me because of the serious concerns around swine flu.
When I came home after being gone a month, it was downright frightening to be alone, although by then I had at least graduated to a walker. The A.H.C. physical and occupational therapists, who came to my home daily, were earth angels. With their loving encouragement and persistence, I graduated to using a cane and eventually weaned from that although it was scary! I had to learn to do things that I had only taken for granted in the past. I was grateful for the smallest daily progress. Having a “planned” or schedule hip replacement is one thing, but fractures occurring in a fall of this nature are an entirely different situation. By July, I could drive and I continued physical therapy in an outside clinic and they were terrific too. I am eternally grateful to all my caregivers, friends and family, as it was a long, slow process and they were there for me every step of the way. While it was a time of massive personal upheaval in 2009 for many people, it was also a time of personal mastery and applying and trusting spiritual principles at new levels.
Inside what scares you, is also what frees you. (Author unknown)
Now a year later, I am grateful to feel capable once again. It has been a long journey and an interesting process of remembering to live everything I’ve ever believed, taught and wrote about. One of the highest compliments came from my grandson recently who said, “Grandpa would be so proud of you.” That brought tears to my eyes, as you can imagine.
Today, I can honestly say, My Life Works! Not without struggle and pain preceding me last year, but as a VICTOR not a victim. As Alan Cohen wisely said, “A victim is a belief more than a situation.” I want to encourage each and everyone to “keep the faith” in times of crisis and know that a brighter day is eventually on the horizon. As Neitzsche wisely said, “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.”
During the holidays, my dear friend, Joann, gifted me Creative Memories Storybook 3.0 software through my very talented local consultant, Janess. It has been an incredibly life giving process to create digital scrapbooking pages online and such a JOY. I have done “hands on” scrapbooking for years, but this is so easy, faster and fun! It has given me as new zest for life in 2010 and I am divinely enthusiastic about creating and sharing these precious keepsakes with family and friends. As I approach 70 this year (gasp! I can’t believe it either) I am eager to get up each day, which is a far cry from what I experienced last year. I am excited to blog again and look forward to doing a web cast on digital scrapbooking from an Internet café at my son’s office. On May 21st I decided to become a consultant! What a difference a year makes! Creative Memories By Sharon Warren
My son, Troy, works and creates in the social media arena on the Internet and helps people and businesses set up Facebook Fan pages, Twitter accounts, YouTube channels and much more. He has a BLOG at http://www.TheSocialMediaBoss.com and writes often about social media tools and strategies. If you are contemplating or already embracing social media, you will want to check out his blog. In the upper right hand corner there is a FREE subscriber form (RECEIVE UPDATES) that you can fill out to receive free social media tips. There are lots of nuggets, some of which I am already using. I receive the updates too, and love learning about new leading edge technologies. I have appreciated Troy’s inspired words when things were especially intense in my life: “Success is never final, and failure is never fatal, it’s your courage through both that counts.”
Because life can change radically in the twinkling of an eye, as it did for many in 2009, I invite you to take the following words of wisdom to heart:
If you were going to die soon, and had only one phone call
you could make, who would you call and what would you say?
And why are you waiting?
Steven Levine
As you know, our inner courage and awareness determines our outer experience and it is with a happy heart that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me (and I thank God it wasn’t a train)! In 2009, my experience in game of life was not so much in holding a good hand, as playing a poor hand well. Yes, truly wherever we are is the entry point! And what a difference a week, month or year can make.
From my heart!
© Sharon A. Warren 2010
Email: iam AT amazinggracenow DOT com
P.S. Here’s a Creative Memories digital page I created of my great grandson for his first birthday. Isn’t he a cutie?!